Memories
by AutumnKitsune
Summary: -Complete- Post-X/1999. "It didn't matter to Kamui that he was the Sakurazukamori. Because Subaru is Subaru". Su/deceased-Sei, Su/Kamui
1. Subaru

Memories  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong 2 me (cries) They (sniff) belong 2 CLAMP (starts wailing)  
  
By: aki sakurazuka  
  
Warnings: mild yaoi (to come), angst, OOC, and grammar errors  
  
Aki: Sorry, this is my first fic and I haven't even watch the whole series yet! Please forgive this baka 4r being crazy.  
  
Inu: Say no  
  
Aki: How mean.  
  
  
  
No one cared about him, Even the animals he passed by were frightened of  
him.Even they seem to sense a difference about him. The unknown. All  
life fears the unknown. Therefore he as the Sakurazukamori was feared.  
He took souls to feed the sakura. Ironic but he was sacrificing lifes  
for beauty.  
  
***  
  
He wandered around aimlessly around suburban Tokyo. Every day he does  
this, watching passerbys getting on their lifes, unaware of being  
watched. Giggling girls, doting mothers, and hurried looking office  
workers who were probably going to be late for some meeting all rushing  
past him out from the train station. It is Tokyo after all. The most  
populated city in the world. The world he had helped to save. But at the  
cost of what.?  
  
The two people he loved and treasured the most.  
  
The two people that had made his life worth living.  
  
Hokuto Sumeragi and Seishirou Sakurazuka.  
  
His sister and his lover. Oh, he hated Seishirou alright, but,. there  
was just some things you couldn't really explain.  
  
Like why and how you could love yet hate some one at the same time.  
  
And how a person you thought you knew but in reality did not.  
  
How your life could change forever.  
  
Memories overwhelmed him. Three of them, always together. Picnicking in  
Ueno Park, being teased by Hokuto, the "dates" to Tokyo tower with  
Seishirou and then.. nothing. Hokuto had been murdered by Seishirou and  
Seishirou was not the person he thought. The Sakurazukamori in fact.  
Then as if Fate wasn't happy, it dealt Subaru the final blow. He killed  
Seishirou with his own hands and became the Sakurazukamori.  
  
He fell down to the ground. Nobody bothered to even help him up.  
  
And.. What Seishirou said before dying.  
  
"I love you"  
  
He tried to shake away the memories even as tears threatened to fall.  
Those very words had haunted him for so long. Although it had been one  
year after the Final Battle, it still hurt. The gap in his heart had  
never been filled, but seemed to get wider every day.  
  
He got up and kept walking trying to stop crying. He wanted to walk away  
from reality. In his dreams, there was still the three of them. There  
was nothing for him now.  
  
TBC  
  
  
  
Aki: So, what do you think?  
  
Inu: it's horribly long-winded plus you wrote it up when your science  
teacher was talking about planets. no wonder it seems to be far away  
from every one's mind.  
  
Aki: Really..?  
  
Inu: Yes.  
  
Aki: Anyway.. onegai review! Please, please, please!!!  
  
Inu: *yawn. It's late and I wanna sleep.  
  
Aki: (ignoring Inu) I'll continue with Kamui if I get 10 good reviews!!  
  
Inu: Oh *yawn. No.  
  
Aki: Anyway, just click on the little button down there and tell me what  
you think okay?? 


	2. Kamui

Title: Memories (chapter 2)  
  
By: aki sakurazuka  
  
Warnings: still the same (yaoi, shonen-ai, angst n blab la)  
  
Pairings: Su x Sei, Su x K  
  
Disclaimer: Not even X the series vcd do I own ( *sweatdrop* sound  
like Yoda, I am beginning to.)  
  
Thankies for the reviews! You really made the world seem much  
brighter! Your reviews are so effective, I'm tempted to post up  
even before 10.*sigh* .Ah well.  
  
Toruko: ^0^ You're my first reviewer!! I'll remember you forever!!!  
*grins* There is a bit of S/K in front. More 2 come & hope you'll  
like it!  
  
Tenshiamanda: You're a real angel to review! OK, so I was being a  
little overboard but. it got you guys reviewing anyway ^_^  
  
firedraygon97: Yay! Another very. nah another GREAT review! Eager  
too! ^_^  
  
Aidan Star (NeneBGC18@yahoo.com): Wow! You even send me an email!  
That's so sweet!(starts crying .)  
  
Yutaka1912: I know who you are.  
  
Ice Phenoix (edaw3@msn.com) : Thankies 4r your review!!! You made  
my day! ^_^  
  
Minna! Keep reviewing and you'll make someone really happy!  
  
It was just another ordinary schooling day at Tokyo for many students. Not for a student named Kamui Shiro though. Sure, school had always been fun for him but now..  
  
It felt like he was missing something.  
  
Fuuma.  
  
No one knew how empty he felt inside. The vast emptiness in his heart could have easily made a black hole powerful enough to swallow milky way without any serious difficulty. Quite easily too.  
  
After the Final Battle, it was as if it changed him completely. His attitude, his behaviour, and even his personality. He'd somehow become from a cheerful vibrant young boy into a very quiet and almost dreamy young man.  
  
Nevertheless, one must not be dreamy when they're trying to cross the busy intersection of a highway.  
  
That was when he saw a person that he'd thought he'd never see again.  
  
Kamui saw Subaru's black trench coat fluttering in the wind as he got up from where he had fallen and walked away. It could be a trick of light but he thought he saw the onmyouji crying.  
  
The lights to cross turn green. Luckily it did because Kamui didn't bother to check and probably would have been hit by a car by the way he just ran across it, stumbling into a few people going the other way.  
  
The violet-eyed ex-kamui tried to catch up with Subaru.  
  
He failed as a crowd of people came out from the train station. Still, his eyes wildly scanned the area hoping to catch a sight or even the tiniest glimpse of the omnyouji.  
  
He stood there for a few frantic minutes and ran in the direction he thought he saw Subaru.  
  
Gasping, he managed to catch up. Only to find out that it was not Subaru, only another man wearing a black coat, almost exactly like Subaru's. Yet, he could have sworn he really did see Subaru a few minutes ago, not just some illusion or trick of the mind.  
  
He turn to go back home, if it could be called a home, disappointed and feeling more lost than ever. He'd let his hopes get so high up only to have them crushed.  
  
Especially when he thought Subaru still loved him.  
  
* Flashback*  
  
He was at CLAMP campus. There seem to be no one around. He tried calling a few names but no one answered. He thought he was alone.  
  
Until he came to the garden at the back.  
  
Until he saw Subaru. Crying quietly, sitting on a bench. Alone.  
  
The violet-eyed boy could only watch for the first few seconds. Then he heard Subaru whisper a word so quietly that Kamui almost couldn't catch.  
  
"Sei-chan."  
  
Kamui approach the still back, hoping that Subaru would not reject him. Subaru turned slowly, seeming to acknowledge Kamui's presence finally after a while. Then he spoke.  
  
" You and I are the same aren't we?'  
  
Kamui was surprised but Subaru continued.  
  
" .abandoned by the ones we love, only to find that fate meant for us to kill them. What is left after that, no one knows. There's nothing to live for now."  
  
Kamui couldn't stand the words uttered so mercilessly by Subaru. It was as if he was throwing everything away, everything important to himself. In a sense, killing himself from the inside. Didn't he know that there is somebody who really loves him with the whole of their being, was standing right behind him? Kamui was surprised with himself. He'd thought who he'd really loved was Fuuma. but, he found out, who he really loved was.  
  
Fine, prove it then.a little voice nagged inside Kamui's head.better to get it over with, here and now.!  
  
As if in a trance, Kamui put his arms around Subaru and said.  
  
"If you have nothing to live for, then live for.me.", Kamui whispered, hoping against hope that Subaru would not reject him or push him away.  
  
Subaru turned his emerald green eyes to look at Kamui. The green eyes blinked as if in fear or confusion. But that only lasted a moment. Next thing Kamui knew, they were kissing.  
  
Their lips met, warm against the evening cold and bittersweet.  
  
".because I love you."  
  
He felt Subaru's tongue teasing his, exploring him like a curious child. Soon, both tongues were doing the dance of the dances. Finally, they had to stop to take a breath. (A/N: ^0^ if they could survive without O2, would they have gone on kissing?!)  
  
Subaru looked at Kamui, eyes telling him all he needed to know.  
  
".I love you too.and.thank you."  
  
*End flashback*  
  
Kamui collapsed on the ground, crying at the memory. That's all it was. Memories. After Subaru had become the Sakurazukamori, he seemed to have forgotten about Kamui.  
  
Maybe Subaru really had no feelings for Kamui.  
  
Maybe he was just lonely at that time.  
  
Maybe that was just the case because.  
  
After he became the Sakurazukamori, he had ignored and literally avoided Kamui.  
  
Kamui tried to get up and stop crying. It was already getting dark. Today, it would be just another day, another memory.  
  
TBC ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Aki: Sorry, I couldn't write more but it was because.well..  
  
Inu: She's got exams coming and her mom's really getting mad.  
  
Aki: Yeah!  
  
Inu: .and she's also a very lazy person who does nothing.  
  
Aki: Am not!  
  
Inu: .except eating and sleeping.  
  
Aki: Hey! That was mean! I'm studying!  
  
Inu: Yeah, I'll believe that if you don't keep falling asleep.  
  
(The two goes on arguing)  
  
Mom: Anyway, she forgot to tell you to review but you should anyway.  
Aki.! Get back to studying!  
  
Aki: Oookaaayyy..*sigh* .Review okay?!  
  
Mom: NOW!  
  
Inu: She'll do more if you review ^_^ !  
  
_______________________________________________________________________  
_ 


	3. A message!

To everyone (especially my faithful reviewers)  
  
Thanks 4r reading and keeping up with my ficcies ^^ No, I'm not signing off or anything, I know I haven't update for quite some time... I'm not updating my fics till 12th of October 2003 okay?? Please forgive me if I caused any inconveniences ne! Gomen but I really have to study for the big exam! My parents won't let me come, just this once...to tell you ppl this!   
  
To new readers... Review if you haven't!  
  
To Hao's Offspring- You'll still be here right? I'll promise I'll send you the fics b4 I post them!  
  
To past reviewers- You're still remembered! I got your names right on my school desk even! Don't give up on me, ok?  
  
Ja ne,for now...Remember, I'll ba back! Mwahahahaha!!! ^^  
  
Sincerely,  
  
aki sakurazuka 


	4. Yumemi

Title: Memories (chapter 3)  
  
By: autumn fox (previously known as aki sakurazuka)  
  
Warnings: Shonen-ai, yaoi in later chapters, don't like, don't read  
  
Pairings: Su x Sei, Su x K (The Su x Sei pairing might be canceled  
later on.)  
  
Disclaimer: Clamp owns them. Yes, every bishie you will read here.  
Happy? (*grumbles* I'm NOT!)  
  
To all my reviewers! Thanks for your reviews, although I'm a bit lazy right now to reply, I'll reply in the next chappie, okay? Thanks a lot for your support and encouragement! *hands out ice-cream and cookies to everyone* Keep reviewing ne!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A pale young boy was lying on a bed. A hospital bed actually. His face was unworried and what looked like peacefully sleeping if not a little too thin. Taped and inserted into his white skin were many needles and syringes enough to make one cringe with pity when they saw him. His hair, a beautiful silvery colour was fanned out on the pillow creating an illusion of an angel that had descended from the heavens.  
  
In fact, this very angel had been in a comatose state for nearly five years now. The doctors had just announced his fate and left. He would really become an angel if he did not wake up in one months' time. (A/N: Meaning he'll die in a month if he doesn't wake up ok?) There was no hope for him. It was as if his fate was sealed just by a simple predicament.  
  
All the nurses in the ward knew him. In the five years the boy had been there, he only had one visitor. Just one. Of course, the nurses recognised the visitor. The boy's visitor was extremely handsome, if not a little on the feminine side. And those emerald green orbs, they could look so sorrowful that you just wanted to go up and give him a hug. (A/N: Guess who's that..XD)  
  
Today, the young man came again. If the nurses had been observant enough, they would have noticed that every time the visitor came, the young man would sit as if in a trance state. But of course, they didn't notice. They'd be too busy with their duties or gossiping in the tea room whenever they had some free time anyway.  
  
***  
  
Sumeragi Subaru walked quickly through the white hospital corridors. No matter how many times he'd visited Kakyo, he'd never gotten used to the way they designed the hospital. It was just too much of a maze. Maybe the architect was really the reincarnate of the Aztec pyramids' designer for the maze part because you could really get lost. Finally, after a gruelling ten minutes of walking here and there around the corridors, up the stairs, turn left, right,.. Subaru reached the goal. Kakyo's room. A doctor dressed in a white hospital coat spotted him at once and hastened towards him. " Ano, sir, are you a relative of some sort to Kakyo-kun? Because if you are, I've got something very important to tell you", were the doctor's first words of greeting to the young ex-head of the Sumeragi clan.  
  
When Subaru just nodded an affirmative, the doctor went on "As you may very well know, Kakyo-san has been with us for five years and we've tried our best to get him out of his coma. Everything we've tried seems to be a failure. Now we're still trying..but.. what I'm trying to tell you is..", The doctor seem resigned,".is that you should be prepared for the worst any day now."  
  
Subaru nodded again. The doctor then bowed a goodbye and left him and Kakyo. After all, a doctor has his work too..  
  
After making sure that no one would disturb them for at least the next few hours, Subaru closed the door quietly. "Kakyo-chan, Sensei's gone." Subaru muttered, sitting on a chair next to Kakyo. Almost immediately it seemed, Subaru felt himself transported into a dreamscape.  
  
"You've got a lot of nerve calling me Kakyo-chan.I'm not a small kid y'know."  
  
Kakyo sat there, on a chair, observing the sea that Subaru's late sister had shown him in her dream. Subaru grinned for the first time in weeks. Kakyo shot him a smirk and said," So.what did the doctor say? That I've got less than a month left?"  
  
'No.he didn't say that..He just said I should be prepared for the worst.Are you going soon?" Subaru asked, turning evergreen eyes on Kakyo as though trying to search for an answer in Kakyo.  
  
"..Don't worry Subaru-san. You won't be alone. There is still someone you and I know, who still loves you with all his soul." Kakyo said, his silvery blonde hair blowing in the sea breeze from sea in the dreamscape, ".Anyway..there's no reason for me to stay here anymore. Hokuto-chan is gone anyway.." The yumemi murmured softly, his eyes gazing at the sea.  
  
Both men gazed at the sea, unable to look at each other. It was just a memory now. A memory lost forever, swept in the tides of time, drifting into eternity..forever lost..  
  
After a few minutes, Kakyo took a deep breath and spoke again. "The 'he' whom I spoke of is the Kamui of the Ten No Ryuu.He still loves you, he's searching for you.."  
  
"How can you be so sure?!! ..It's been years since we've seen each other, who knows, he might have found another lover already.",Subaru said defensively, not believing a word of it.  
  
Tension grew.  
  
Silence was inevitable.  
  
This went on for the next few minutes.  
  
. . .  
  
A girl's voice yelling 'SUBARU!!' startled both of the two men. The silence was broken.  
  
"Hokuto-chan?!!"  
  
"You shouldn't live in the past Subaru!! Go, get a life! I didn't sacrifice myself just to let you sit and angst about all day!...Okay?" Hokuto shouted at Subaru, then rushing to squeeze the life out of him in a hug. (A/N: *sweatdrop* Hokuto appeared in the dreamscape too.)  
  
Kakyo smiled sadly at Subaru," I'm going now, take care of yourself now, Subaru-san.And.tell Kamui I said hi."  
  
"Subaru, if you don't take care of yourself, I'll kill you!" Hokuto said surprisingly gently, unlike her usual maniac self. Then Hokuto and Kakyo joined hands. Fading away slowly, they smiled at Subaru and said,  
  
"Sayonara doesn't mean forever Subaru-chan, not while we're in your memories."  
  
"Wait~!" Subau shouted, trying to catch hold of them with his hands but failing.  
  
In the real world, Kakyo's heartbeat slowly weakened and finally stopped. Subaru woked from the trance he had been in while during his visit to the dreamscape. He pressed the button to call for a nurse and opened the door. Looking back at Kakyo's now-lifeless body. And left the hospital.  
  
Outside the hospital, he looked up at the skies and whispered " Sayonara Kakyo-san, Nee-chan.Seishirou-san."  
  
Because sayonara doesn't mean forever.  
  
Because I know that you'll still be with me,  
  
. I'll see all of you again.  
  
It's just goodbye for now.  
  
* TBC ^.^ () - sweatdrop ________________________________________________________________________  
  
A/N: I know I took a VERY long time to do this.past the deadline I promised in fact.One of the reasons is writer's block.. Well, anyway, if I get a lot of reviews this time, I'll put the next chapter up faster (In about the next two weeks, I'm going on holiday but it'll be before Christmas)  
  
PS: If you know another good site to put up fanfiction, please tell me!! I really want to put this up in another site too and see the feedback.Thanks.  
  
PS2: R&R!! (More reviews = faster chapters) 


	5. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was.

* * *

Epilogue

The two men stood together by the lake in comfortable silence in the muted evening feeding ducks. They had found solace and comfort in each other in the midst of being trapped in their pasts. Occasionally, the smaller man would laugh as he watched the ducks scramble after the bread which the older man threw. They had been together for many years and shared a bond deeper than most couples.

Subaru had found his "purpose" again after that fateful afternoon at the hospital when Kakyo and Hokuto said their goodbyes in the background of crashing waves. He'd always be grateful to the younger man for loving him even when he had avoided him for more than a year. It didn't matter to the younger man that he was the unlovable Sakurazukamori. Kamui loved him because he was, no, _is_ Subaru.

As Hokuto and Kakyo had said in that far off dreamscape, the past wrongs and doings didn't matter.

What mattered most was "Now".

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the (extremely) late posting and abrupt ending. I tried my best to write more but I haven't been reading X-1999 for around 3 years, so it became difficult to write further interactions between our two boys while keeping them in character (as well as the writing style change). This is a sort of closure drabble as an apology for those who have been waiting for an ending. Thank you for all the support!


End file.
